The Kendra's Journal Podcast
141 Alive & Kicking

Stress and excitement continued to grow as Mom and Mac anticipated his release. Also, Mom spent time getting our apartment ready for an inspection by the state in preparation for Mac’s parole hearing that could. Mac then had that hearing but it was kind of a letdown and Mom had a run-in with his ex-wife but we got another trailer visit. Phillip had to go to the doctor for a mystery illness and a local bus driver who was friends with Mom brought us a Christmas tree. We also got our car out of the shop and it worked… kinda!

Direct download: Kendras_Journal_Podcast_141.mp3
Category:Personal Journal -- posted at: 12:00am PDT

140 Talk To Me

Phillip had his 11th birthday! Mac was recommended for a minimum security facility but with his possible release date being so soon the prison wasn’t sure it was worth moving him. Mom spent a lot of time filling out paperwork for his parole and stress was high between them because of the anticipation. Mom just wanted a quiet life where she and Mac could run their woodworking business without issue. He and Mom sold some of his wooden earrings, they were very happy with their first real business deal. Plus, Mom contacted an attorney about suing the State over Mac's sentencing mess-up. Our new car was in the shop getting lots of repairs. Phillip got a paper route and Mat helped with it for a cut of the profits. It was a little rough at first but Mom made sure we did our job right. Enjoy!

Direct download: Kendras_Journal_Podcast_140.mp3
Category:Personal Journal -- posted at: 12:00am PDT

139 Lovin’ Every Minute of It

Mom officially withdrew from college to concentrate on legal work for Mac. She was feeling pressure from the prison during visitations and wanted to do something to make things better for all the wives. She also got the ball rolling on Mac’s release.

Direct download: Kendras_Journal_Podcast_139.mp3
Category:Personal Journal -- posted at: 9:55am PDT

138 Money for Nothing

Mom was suspended from visiting Mac by the prison but had a plan to fight it. We start seeing larger gaps in time between Journal entries. We make a big move and Mom went back to school but wasn’t sure she wanted to continue with hair. Another fight started with the prison just as a big relationship change came for Mom and Mac. We’ll leave you with two word: Trailer Visits

Direct download: Kendras_Journal_Podcast_138.mp3
Category:Personal Journal -- posted at: 12:00am PDT

137 Rock and Roll Girls

Sorry for the short episode, we had some technical issues while recording. Mom continued to visit Mac in prison, even through some bad ice and snow. She got an ear infection that lead to an ER visit. Mom also had it out with her teacher, which put her future up in the air. She also found a way to bring in some cash… lots of cash! Phillip spent the night with a friend so Mat got spoiled because he was bored without his brother around.

Direct download: Kendras_Journal_Podcast_137.mp3
Category:Personal Journal -- posted at: 12:00am PDT

136 Valotte

Money was still tight but Mom was scraping together what she could to get us through the end of the year. The holidays were coming and our grandpa stopped by for a visit. Mom was beginning to make more and more trips to Walla Walla to visit Mac and spent Christmas and New Years with him at the prison. She got the ugliest bench in the world and a couple of wooden inks that were all made by Mac. Mom also continued her dieting and was wanting to tone up by lifting weights. There were some issues at the welfare office, which meant money was delayed again. Which was unfortunate because the phone bill was getting out of control. Mat turned 9 years old! Things seemed to be getting more serious between Mom and Mac, she was feeling good that their relationship had a solid foundation. As life got busier, Mom’s entries in the Journal became more and more sporadic. Mom took us boys to the prison to visit Mac for the first time.

Direct download: Kendras_Journal_Podcast_136.mp3
Category:Personal Journal -- posted at: 12:00am PDT

135 Run To You

Phillip (and the Journal) turn 10 years old. Our budget was still really tight, mostly due to collect phone calls from Mac in Walla Walla. Mom went to visit him again and her feelings were getting more serious, but after a night out and a missed phone call she wasn’t sure things would last. School was going well for Mom, she liked doing perms and got a big tip for doing one. This really boosted her confidence. Money problems sent Mom scrambling. She had to figure out how to live for two weeks with no savings, no income, no welfare and no food stamps. One bright bit was that the rent got reduced again but with the skyrocketing phone bill it didn’t help much.

Direct download: Kendras_Journal_Podcast_135.mp3
Category:Personal Journal -- posted at: 12:00am PDT

134 Teacher Teacher

There was a little trouble at the prison after Mom’s first visit with Mac but she got a letter from him saying the charges against him were dropped and he would be transferred back to medium security soon. Mom was still dieting too and was pretty happy with the results. She was becoming increasingly infatuated with Mac and was writing him letters several times a day. She also finds out that he wasn’t in prison for murder. The Mystery Man calls but by this point Mom had all but moved on to Mac. Mom makes another visit to the prison, this time to maximum security because Mac was still there for the time being. Mom also sold her car to the scrapyard for $75 and we got a HUGE decrease in rent. She mentioned Phillip’s upcoming birthday (10!) and maybe making him a special dessert instead of cake. Journal entries were getting more sporadic as Mom got more involved with Mac, dealt with housework, raising us boys and her schooling, which she was doing very well in by the way. Mat, however, may not have been because Mom got a call for a conference with his teacher.

Direct download: Kendras_Journal_Podcast_134.mp3
Category:Personal Journal -- posted at: 12:00am PDT

133 I Can’t Hold Back

Mom started school at the beauty college in Hermiston and very quickly realized how busy she would be for the next year trying to keep up with school, homework, housework and us boys. After a late night call from a suitor, Mom mentions her views on men are changing. She wanted dinner, dancing and drinks or nothing at all. She also got a call from the “Mystery Man” and was starting to see him for who he really was. She mentioned she still had plans on moving us to Boise. Mom wanted to get away from Hermiston, open a shop where she could do hair and start building a normal life. The money situation was getting better with welfare, student loan and grant money and good news about our rent. Mom mailed some letters to Mac in prison but didn’t hear back from him because she unknowingly sent contraband and he hadn’t gotten them yet. She also mentioned she was planning on taking a trip to Walla Walla to visit him. Mom went on a strict diet for this first visit and then went. He got in a little trouble after her visit. She was already starting to like him and said that she thinks the guards were out to get him.

Direct download: Kendras_Journal_Podcast_133.mp3
Category:Personal Journal -- posted at: 12:00am PDT

132 Blue Jean

Mom got our car running, only to have it die for the last time. She planned to sell it piece by piece to get as much money out of it as possible. She was also dreaming of big money and big changes with a financial plan she believed would set us up for life. Mom had to leave her job due to the car troubles so she made a new plan… SCHOOL!! She went to Hermiston vs. Pendleton high school football game that had a surprising end.


Okay so normally we just highlight the topic we cover in the podcast, but this time we have some explaining to do…

  1. We thought this episode was going to run long, but after some edits we are right around our normal time. Sorry if the edits are a little choppy.
  2. A major change in our lives begins and we get into that a little. We edited some stuff out but left most of it in. Let’s hope we aren’t throwing too much out there before we read what Mom wrote, but we felt the authenticity of the emotion was important to what we are adding to this journal.
  3. As we continue we're going to try to read what Mom wrote and then react rather that telling our thoughts. With that being said, we have a lot of thoughts, feeling and emotions around these topics so from time to time we might go off the rails.

We’re not going to say anything more here, so please take the time and listen to the episode. There's certainly a lot more to come, but this the beginning of a new (darker) chapter in our lives. Thanks for listening and drop us a line with your thoughts.

Direct download: Kendras_Journal_Podcast_132.mp3
Category:Personal Journal -- posted at: 12:00am PDT

131 Are We Ourselves?

Money was tight so Mom was borrowing to get by. She was getting ready to start a new job, still working with potatoes but in town! Mom gets us our first “real” computer. Mom continues her search for a new guy and wants a steady boyfriend but ends up spending more time with “R”. Our beast of a car finally died for good. And Mom was still dreaming about getting us out of Hermiston. On a side note: This is the calm before the storm, come back next week to find out what the hell we’re talking about.

Direct download: Kendras_Journal_Podcast_131.mp3
Category:Personal Journal -- posted at: 12:00am PDT

130 On the Dark Side

Mom won some money in a contest and her brother had some fun pretending to be the IRS. Us boys started at our new school, things went well. Mom was still looking for Mr. Right, she even took a trip to John Day to spend some time with friends and one of the guys she was interested in. We got signed up for welfare so our food problem was solved for the immediate future, but we were still in a bind when it came to rent, electricity and the phone bill. We all went to the Round-Up Parade in Pendleton and Mom ran into some friends she hadn’t seen in a very long time. And Mom applied for a job with the state grading potatoes. Enjoy!

Direct download: Kendras_Journal_Podcast_130.mp3
Category:Personal Journal -- posted at: 12:09pm PDT

129 New Girl Now

We finalized the move into low income housing across town. It’s a good thing too because money and food were both running low. The sister of one of Mom’s friends got drunk and beat Mom’s friend up. Mom was worried she was next. She was also still very lost and confused when it came to her love life. She was meeting nice guys but was still hung up on the Mystery Man. Her move to swing shift was finalized around this time as well but that didn’t stop her from quitting without any notice and no real explanation in the Journal. She was planning on looking for a new job but also had plans to go to school. Us boys spent Labor Day weekend with our grandfather. When we got back we got ready to start at a new school.

Direct download: Kendras_Journal_Podcast_129.mp3
Category:Personal Journal -- posted at: 12:00am PDT

128 Lights Out

The intro is really long in this one, sorry about that. One important note, this Saturday, September 3, 2016, marks the 5th anniversary of Mom’s passing. If you feel like it please spend a moment in silence for her, we’d really appreciate that. It’s not in the Journal but we tell a story about getting caught stealing candy from the bulk foods section of a grocery store. That took place around the time this part of the Journal was being written. We also talk about an incident where Mom let us go to the pool but didn’t remember and was going nuts because she was actually asleep when we “woke” her. We also moved again, this time to a low-income apartment on the other side of town. Mom and her mystery man were on-again, off-again… again. Mom was also planning on moving us to Boise instead of Portland so we could get away from Hermiston. Money was still really tight and Mom resorted to asking a friend for some to help us get by. Mom finally got her transfer to Swing Shift at work but wanted to get a babysitter that would watch us boys at our place so she wouldn’t have to get us up in the middle of the night again. Enjoy!

Direct download: Kendras_Journal_Podcast_128.mp3
Category:Personal Journal -- posted at: 12:00am PDT

127 Two Sides of Love

Mom was having regrets about leaving “R” but was hoping to move out of Hermiston and closer to her latest crush. Us boys were off having fun with our Grandpa in Portland and Mom was worrying about the future. She started talking about moving to Portland so she could go to school then found out we would be moving again into Low Income Housing which was going to help with the budget A LOT.

Direct download: Kendras_Journal_Podcast_127.mp3
Category:Personal Journal -- posted at: 12:00am PDT

126 Rock Me Tonight

Mom sent us to stay with our aunt then our grandparents for one to two months for the summer. She was working weekends at the sand drags again and was hoping to see her new friend. She wasn’t writing much but did mention that she was really missing us. She didn’t mention anything about the Fourth of July or her birthday ten days later. She did get asked to go on a blind date with a guy from work, it was her first blind date ever. She went to the Midway in Hermiston and won her category in an arm wrestling competition. We find out that things were still happening with the Mystery Man and Mom decided she wanted to make a big change and do something like move to Portland so she could go back to school. Enjoy!

Direct download: Kendras_Journal_Podcast_126.mp3
Category:Personal Journal -- posted at: 8:42am PDT

Ep 125 Sister Christian

Mom was getting even more stressed about money and was feeling run down from the lack of sleep. She was thinking of moving us closer to her work to relieve some of her stress. There was an opportunity for her to go to California to watch the Drag Race Nationals. She said there was a chance she’d get written up at work but she was willing to take the write-up to go. Things were also back “on” with the mystery man but still went on a date with a new guy. Mom was also making plans to clear all of her debt then use her money to invest and become financially independent. She went to a party and had a blast in the pool. She also quit smoking and wanted to do a juice fast. We all spent time riding our bikes around town. Finally, we know we spent a lot of time going off topic on this one and for that we apologize but it’s kind of a “sorry, not sorry” deal because we really like adding our own parts to this whole project. Enjoy!

Direct download: Kendras_Journal_Podcast_125.mp3
Category:Personal Journal -- posted at: 12:00am PDT

Ep 124 Footloose

Mom and “R” finally got notice that their divorce would be final soon then her doctor said she was depressed and prescribed her medication to help. She was hoping the medicine would help her mood improve. She was also still wanting to move away from Hermiston, she was thinking the coast would be nice. Mom then passed her operator test at work and went back to graveyard shift. Things also seemed to be going from “on again” to “off again” with her mystery man. Money was also becoming more of a stress but while trying to earn more money serving beer at the sand drags she met a new guy that she really liked, it got weird though. And finally our grandpa came to visit and show off his “talking” car.

Direct download: Kendras_Journal_Podcast_124.mp3
Category:Personal Journal -- posted at: 12:00am PDT

123 Against All Odds

Mom got transferred to Dry Storage at work as a Printer Helper Trainee and LOVED it. She was also getting a lot of praise at work after being on dayshift. But money was getting tight again and causing a lot of stress and Mom was feeling lonely again because things were cooling down with the “Mystery Man” again. Our grandpa came for a visit and he took us boys up to his cabin. We got a kitten too!

Direct download: Kendras_Journal_Podcast_123.mp3
Category:Personal Journal -- posted at: 12:00am PDT

122 Got a Hold on Me

Mom wanted to see Terms of Endearment, she was also dealing with rumors at work about her and her boss. People were saying they noticed they rode to work together and talked all the time. Her new work schedule was wearing her down and she mentioned that she was building a ‘sleep debt’. Us boys got to spend the night with our grandma and we got to go bowling with “R”. Mom’s new boss was taking notice of her work and her “Mystery Man” was paying more attention to her after she thought things were cooling down. “R” was visiting us at our new place, Mom mentioned that he always seemed sad. Mom decides to set her deductions at “Married and 15” so no taxes would be taken out then she has another change at work that could lead to more opportunities and money.

Direct download: Kendras_Journal_Podcast_122.mp3
Category:Personal Journal -- posted at: 12:00am PDT

Ep. 121 Girls Just Want To Have Fun

Mom was still working on getting transferred to a better shift. She also reworked her taxes so the taxes owed wouldn’t be so much. Mom was bummed because her boss was quitting and she wasn’t very pleased with who her new boss was going to be. She spent Valentine’s Day alone and lonely. She also was able to trade shifts with a coworker so we could spend more time together. The transition was rough but Mom was happy she was getting to see us more.

Direct download: Kendras_Journal_Podcast_121.mp3
Category:Personal Journal -- posted at: 12:00am PDT

Ep. 120 Got Me Under Pressure

Mom was feeling the stress of money and her work schedule. She was also missing us boys because of our different schedules. She got good news and received a $0.55 per hour raise. Mat got $25 for his birthday to spend at K-Mart and Mom was able to pull the money together to go see ZZ Top in concert but the trip had a rough start. Mom was making progress on some of the new jobs she was bidding on. Mom was debating her relationship with the Mystery Man. She also did her taxes to discover she owed over $500.

Direct download: Kendras_Journal_Podcast_120.mp3
Category:Personal Journal -- posted at: 6:38am PDT

Ep 119 Nobody Told Me

Mom had been on the job 3 months and was looking forward to her evaluation and raise. One of Mom’s favorite poems was accepted to be published in an anthology. She had bid on better jobs, she wanted a better schedule so she could see us more. Mom had a date with a guy she didn’t really know, so she was nervous. Her emotions were getting the best of her. She turned down a chance to see her “mystery man” because she didn’t want to get too attached. She was unsure about falling in love again. She also learned that the “mystery man” was in love with another woman across the state and Mom started to feel like the third in line behind his partner and the lady across the state. Mom made Mat’s birthday cake… Two weeks late. Better late than never! She also says she’s going to go see ZZ Top in concert later in the year. Having become good friends with her supervisor, Mom is shocked to hear some interesting news.

Direct download: Kendras_Journal_Podcast_119.mp3
Category:Personal Journal -- posted at: 12:00am PDT

118 That's All!

Mat turned 8 but Mom had to work. But he understood it was for a good reason. Mom was working long hours and was commended on some work she did with some machinery. She felt good at work and was going to start bidding on other jobs. Mom got her car back and it was officially running! The divorce was finally filed and Mom admitted that she was involved with another man, but she wouldn’t go into detail because of who could be hurt by it. She said it was nothing serious but it was still confusing. Mom comes to terms with her and “R’s” divorce. She also talks about becoming a foster parent.

Direct download: Kendras_Journal_Podcast_118.mp3
Category:Personal Journal -- posted at: 12:00am PDT

Ep 117 Always On My Mind

Our new place was set up and Mom was in a rush to get her divorce finalized. Mom was worried that us boys would be the ones most hurt because it seemed “R” was ready to move on with his life. New Years Eve started with emotions and an idea that she thought would change our lives. New Years Day started with a hangover. Mom was struggling with her emotions but knew she was making the right choice. She wanted to raise us “her way” without interference from a partner who disagreed. She mentioned missing the dogs that were left with “R” but was planning on trying to find a way to get them back when the time was right. Money started getting tight again, which made Mom stress and Mat had an uneventful 8th birthday.

Direct download: Kendras_Journal_Podcast_117.mp3
Category:Personal Journal -- posted at: 12:00am PDT

Ep 116 If I'd Been the One

We finally moved into our new apartment. Mom was busy putting things together, except for her waterbed because it wouldn't fit up the stairs. She made arrangements to trade for one that will but had to spend some time in the couch. "R" helped mom move, but she was pretty sure his family would have him hating her soon enough. Since we had moved everyone wanted the divorce filed as soon as possible. Mom was already thinking about dating and wanted to go out on New Year's Eve but she didn't know who with. We also got a car, it was a Dodge Dart and had to spend some time in the shop before it could be driven reliably. Mom was also talking about getting a kitten.

Direct download: Kendras_Journal_Podcast_116.mp3
Category:Personal Journal -- posted at: 12:00am PDT

Word gets out that Mom was leaving “R”. She comments on what people might think, but really didn’t care at that point. Then she started stressing about money and faced up to the fact that we’d probably have to go on welfare. On an up note she found a townhouse apartment near our school. She also had plans to buy a friend’s old Dodge Dart so we could get around. In 2016, Mat found one of Mom’s old pay stubs from U & I so we spend some time talking about that. Also, in 1983, Mom mentioned finally ordering the stereo she promised us just in time for Christmas. Mom and “R” started splitting things up and took out a consolidation loan to pay off their debt. She used some of that money to buy Christmas stuff and things for our new apartment. She also wrote about how she was imagining her life after the move. She was young and wanted to date but she didn’t want to be in any kind of serious relationship.

Direct download: Kendras_Journal_Podcast_115.mp3
Category:Personal Journal -- posted at: 12:00am PDT

WE HAVE STICKERS! The first 40 people to request a sticker on Facebook will receive one! In this episode Mom joined the Safety Committee at her work and planned on being VERY involved with her employer because she planned on being there a while. She discovered Van Morrison and his album Moondance. This was one of her favorites for the rest of her life. Mom and “R” were still in a rough patch and she wondered if he realized she was serious about leaving. That prompted her to start looking for more money so we could make our exit. “R” then read the Journal (yes, this one) and got a shock about how serious she was. Mom started planning our future without “R” or any other live-in man and decided she wanted to look into buying an FHA house. “R” tried to make nice but Mom was already half gone.

Direct download: Kendras_Journal_Podcast_114.mp3
Category:Personal Journal -- posted at: 12:00am PDT

113 Owner of a Lonely Heart

This episode starts with Mom questioning everything in her life, except for us boys of course. Enough said… You’ll have to listen to see how this one played out.

Direct download: Kendras_Journal_Podcast_113.mp3
Category:Personal Journal -- posted at: 12:00am PDT

112 Heart and Soul

“R” was hurt on the job. We also had a BIG Thanksgiving dinner and our Grandpa was in town for the holiday. He had dinner with us and visited family. A friend of Mom sent her pictures of her babies, Mom thought they were cute but was happy that we were older. Mom made a big decision to quit smoking and substitute her habit with Lifesavers candy. She was still trying to lose weight and was hoping that quitting wouldn’t interfere with that. Mom also commented on the growing distance between her and “R” because of her work schedule and his constant anger.

Direct download: Kendras_Journal_Podcast_112.mp3
Category:Personal Journal -- posted at: 12:00am PDT

Well, there's more fuzziness from the heater in the background, sorry about that. Mom went to T-Shirts Plus and bought lettering for a hoodie she had. Phillip got his first cub scout badge and turned 9 years old. One of Mom's supervisors complimented her on her work saying he wanted to keep her around and that she'd get promoted when/if something came up. This gave her a boost in self confidence and she learned that she liked working hard and wanted to grow with the company. That and a lot more in the episode!

Direct download: Kendras_Journal_Podcast_111.mp3
Category:Personal Journal -- posted at: 8:55am PDT

We're back again! Sorry about some of the fuzzy background noise, the heater kept turning on and our mics picked it up. This episode Mom went to a "crystal party." I guess it was like a Tupperware Party for crystal dishes. Mom's work schedule changed to something a little nicer, she wrote a lot about work since that was mostly what she spent her time doing. She really liked working there and was making friends.

Direct download: Kendras_Journal_Podcast_110.mp3
Category:Personal Journal -- posted at: 7:01am PDT

Okay, confession time, we thought we had enough content typed up for a whole episode, but we didn't so if it sounds like we're dragging it out a bit, WE ARE. Mom was sick but still went to work. She was continuing to impress her new bosses but was worried about an upcoming layoff. The boys got to go roller skating for a Halloween party and Mom helped out a lady she knew that needed some groceries and made a point of saying it was important for her to give to others in need when she had a little extra, something the boys have never forgotten. Finally, Mom wrote about a car she was dreaming about.

Direct download: Kendras_Journal_Podcast_109.mp3
Category:Personal Journal -- posted at: 12:00am PDT

Well, we were wrong, the journal didn't turn nine years old until THIS episode, oops. Mom was working her new job like a champ but it was really wearing her out. Mom's budget was still a concern but things were getting a bit better, enough that she was considering buying an new TV. Phillip points out that this time frame was only 10 years before he joined the Marines which he and Mat consider as crazy considering how much happened between those two points (hang in there everyone, you'll hear all about it!) And you'll never guess which new pets the boys added to there lives!

Direct download: Kendras_Journal_Podcast_108.mp3
Category:Personal Journal -- posted at: 12:00am PDT

Two weeks in a row. We're on a roll! In this week's episode, Mom was waiting on money (like always) and she took Phillip to see the ear doctor in Walla Walla again. We also took a short road trip so Mom could visit an old friend and the Journal turned 9 years old. Even though this was a short time span a lot more happend so listen to the whole thing, at least listen long enough to find out if Mom got the job she applied for!

Direct download: Kendras_Journal_Podcast_107.mp3
Category:Personal Journal -- posted at: 12:00am PDT

We're back! After a long, unexpected hiatus we have returned with a new episode! We explain why the long wait and then we jump right into 1983. Mom had just been laid off her driving job but managed to get a little more work in with the potato shed. We all went hunting and Mom finished notebook #16. A lot more than that happened so make sure to listen to the end!

Direct download: Kendras_Journal_Podcast_106.mp3
Category:Personal Journal -- posted at: 12:00am PDT