The Kendra's Journal Podcast

Mom was looking into a new job opportunity. Her and “B” were still together and happy, but Mom was still trying to figure out this new type of relationship and struggled at times. She went on an all-day whitewater rafting trip with “B” then got ready to go to Sacramento! Both boys spent some time on the road, separately. Phillip got his first real job then made a decision that changes the family…

Direct download: Kendras_Journal_Podcast_166.mp3
Category:Personal Journal -- posted at: 8:48am PDT

We made it back to Bend and Mom got her job back at Trappers. She also typed up the divorce papers and was getting ready to send them off to Mac. Around this time she committed to enrolling in college with plans on becoming an attorney. Mom’s friend was facing eviction because so many people were staying at the house so Mom took us to stay with our Grandma in Hermiston until she could find a more permanent place. When Mom got back to Bend, she met a guy and went out on a date. After a couple of weeks her and her new boyfriend came back to Hermiston to get us so we could get back into school. At this point we had been out of school for almost 6 weeks and there were only 5 weeks left. Mac was hassling Mom and even started calling our Grandma. But Mom was happy with her new relationship, she thought it was fun and relaxed and even mentioned that it kind of felt too good to be true. Mac refused to sign the summons when Mom sent the divorce papers so she had to start all over again and was planning on having him served with either a sheriff’s deputy or Mac’s parole officer. She also requested that Mac not be issued travel permits to Bend or Hermiston. Mom got a new job driving “MPAs” for a company in Sunriver.

Direct download: Kendras_Journal_Podcast_165.mp3
Category:Personal Journal -- posted at: 10:39am PDT

We have an extra long episode for all of you, plus this episode marks the beginning of the end. Our dog had puppies in Mat’s room so he moved to the living room couch. Mom was done with Mac and had plans to get us moved out. We share our memories from the large gap in Mom’s writing. Mom bought a 1979 AMC Concord to get us out of Spokane. Towards the end, Mac decided to “play it straight” with her and admitted some things. Before we left, Phillip participated in the regional spelling bee. Then we were off to a new beginning!

Direct download: Kendras_Journal_Podcast_164.mp3
Category:Personal Journal -- posted at: 11:02am PDT

We start this one talking a lot about what we remember from this time before we get to the Journal, sorry! Mom got a job but money was still very tight and Mac was having a hard time in jail (kind of the point, right?) Mom and Mac decided to start living a “straight” life. No drinking, no drugs and a solid commitment to their religion. Phillip turned 14 and was getting ready to be on a local TV channel. Mom was nervous about the jury selection before the trial and then the trial happened and the verdict came in…

Direct download: Kendras_Journal_Podcast_163.mp3
Category:Personal Journal -- posted at: 9:19am PDT

We got back to Bend and Mom was starting to move on from Mac but her feelings started going back and forth after two weeks of not hearing from him. When she finally does hear from him, we learn he was arrested and was in jail for something fairly serious. This event takes us back to Spokane so Mom can help Mac get through his trial. Mom looked for work and we rented a house from our old landlord, in a pretty sketchy neighborhood. Because of the situation, things were bad. We were broke, out of food and Mom was nearing her breaking point. The only okay thing going was that Mom and Mac were getting along (he was still in jail) and she was convinced things would work out this time.

Direct download: Kendras_Journal_Podcast_162.mp3
Category:Personal Journal -- posted at: 12:00am PDT

We were having a summer of fun in Bend, running around all night and living with family friends. Mom had a good job working at a local bar and wrote that she’s lost all feelings for Mac. We moved to another friend’s house while we were trying to figure out a more permanent solution to our housing issues. Mac came to Bend to visit Mom and her feelings began to change again. But of course, because nothing is ever easy…

Direct download: Kendras_Journal_Podcast_161.mp3
Category:Personal Journal -- posted at: 7:57am PDT

Mom went to Spokane to visit Mac and got very confused about her situation. She felt obligated to give Mac another chance after he told her he’d changed. Us boys had been with family for over a month but were finally back in Bend with Mom. Mac came to Bend for a visit and that mixed up Mom’s feelings even more. They had fun, but Mac also went through Mom’s things and read the Journal. Phillip talks about the new bike seat he got.

Direct download: Kendras_Journal_Podcast_160.mp3
Category:Personal Journal -- posted at: 12:00am PDT

Mom reread some of the journal and was left feeling depressed. Mac was tormenting her about everything she did which ended up with mom packing up some stuff so the three of us could go to Oregon without Mac. We were back very soon afterward though. Mac was close to being released from some of the conditions of his parole and Mom wondered how he would react. Even though life wasn’t very good, Mom was happy to have her car fixed. Mac hit a year of being out and Mom was getting even more frustrated at his anger. This brought her to a breaking point and we made our escape. After moving, Mom got a new job in the new town but Mac found us and was trying to turn on the charm to get Mom back.

Direct download: Kendras_Journal_Podcast_159.mp3
Category:Personal Journal -- posted at: 2:43pm PDT

We moved into a new house so us boys got our own rooms and Mac got a shop for his carpentry. Mom and Mac talked things out and agreed they needed to keep their communication open but Mac’s violence was making Mom question if things would last between them. Mac got a call from his best friend and we built a weight (torture) rack out of our old bunk bed frame. Then Mac nearly killed our cat because it stole some fried trout off of Mat’s plate and then Mac got a very large, very expensive machine for his shop courtesy of Vocational Rehab. Phillip took a CPR class so he had an excuse to stay away from home and Mat got a new skateboard. Mom was looking for work because Mac said she needed to but things were bad and only getting worse. Mom was questioning if she should take the welfare money and run. She was also wondering if Mac might run off with his friend after they reconnected. We got our first microwave, which got put to a pretty untraditional use right away and we share a lot more memories, but unfortunately none of them good.

Direct download: Kendras_Journal_Podcast_158.mp3
Category:Personal Journal -- posted at: 12:42pm PDT

The extra money Mac was caught with had to be donated to keep him out of trouble. He finally got his release date, April 30, 1987. Mom was hoping our car would be fixed in time to pick Mac up and with only a little time left she was getting our home ready to welcome him and start a new chapter in our lives. So Mac gets out and things… aren’t exactly going as expected. Mom’s writing became sporadic, stress was obviously building. Mom and Mac were “debating” a lot and Mom figured that adjusting to freedom is harder than expected so after Mac got his license she just brushed off a lot of it as his adjustment. Mom and Mac got some news that helped take some stress off the situation and us boys were headed off to visit family for a week. Mom turned 29 and we made her a cake and some cards. Mac got a truck and Mom revealed some of the reality of our new life and it wasn’t good. Unfortunately, it had just begun.

Direct download: Kendras_Journal_Podcast_157.mp3
Category:Personal Journal -- posted at: 12:00am PDT

Mom was waiting for a parole officer to inspect our apartment and it was making the idea of Mac being released feel like it could have been real. Mom went for another trailer visit and had an unexpected guest that caused a problem. We still had money struggles, especially because of all the road trips between Spokane and Walla Walla. Mom “might” have broken the law to get us a new phone hooked up. She also wrote about winning a contest on the radio. We had spring break fast approaching so Mom considered sending us to spend it with our grandfather so she could go to Walla Walla and get some legal work done. Mom finally heard the release date was coming, but when the big news arrived there was a potential snag. Enjoy!

Direct download: Kendras_Journal_Podcast_156.mp3
Category:Personal Journal -- posted at: 8:41am PDT


Mom and Mac cleared the air and their relationship was back on track. Mac got back to Walla Walla and got a warm welcome from his friends. Phillip’s 12th birthday happened and Mom got the report from Spokane that she’s been waiting on and found out the counselor accepted Mac. We got a “new-to-us” car, a Mazda RX-2 Mom named “Roxy.” Mom rented an apartment in Spokane so we moved, again. A Supreme Court case decision was made around this time that had a possible impact on Mac’s release and Mom was hoping to find out what Mac’s release date might be at his next parole hearing. Enjoy!

Direct download: Kendras_Journal_Podcast_155.mp3
Category:Personal Journal -- posted at: 8:40am PDT

Mac got his evaluation, everything depended on it. If it went well, things would change a lot. If it didn’t, it could have meant 12 more years for Mac. It was early November, cold and getting colder, and our furnace didn’t work, BRRR! Mom got a call from Mac while he was in a really bad mood. He was still traveling across the state and back again for his evaluation. Both Mom and Mac were going nuts waiting for the evaluation results. Things were making Mac so frustrated that Mom commented that things might be over between them, but Mac made it clear that regardless, he still expected Mom to help him get released. Mom eventually got to speak with the counselor that did the evaluation but didn’t get any solid answers because the counselor was still waiting on some information. Since Mac was headed back to Walla Walla, Mom was concerned about the trouble he might be in for the extra trailer visit they thought they got away with before he did his cross-state treks. Enjoy!

Direct download: Kendras_Journal_Podcast_154.mp3
Category:Personal Journal -- posted at: 12:00am PDT

Mom went to a palm reader and was impressed. We are a little more skeptical and kind of go off on a lengthy tangent… sorry about that! Mom noted that it had been two years since she’d met Mac and commented on all that had happened in that time. Mac traveled back and forth across Washington State and was NOT happy! Mom was hoping they could get him transferred to minimum security in Spokane so he wouldn’t have to make the trip across the state, again, to get him to Walla Walla, but that didn’t happen. Phillip shares his 1986 Halloween costume story.

Direct download: Kendras_Journal_Podcast_153.mp3
Category:Personal Journal -- posted at: 6:41am PDT


Mom spent a lazy weekend painting some “Texas Cowboys” that Mac made. There was still no word on a possible parole to NW Washington State, but she kept checking. Grandpa sent money for school clothes so we got to go shopping and an attorney was helping Mom look into a case that might have helped Mac’s parole move forward. He ended up getting a major write-up and had to have a hearing because he was accused of working in the prison shop unsupervised. Mom had a possible job lined up and she planned a trip to Bend to get our things out of storage to complete the move back to Walla Walla. We also talk about Betamax, Whoopi Goldberg, and Teenwolf… What more can we say? Mac got approved for a transfer to Spokane to be evaluated for a program but had to zig zag across the state instead of just the 100 miles from Walla Walla. Mom also went to a palm reader, yes… a palm reader.

Direct download: Kendras_Journal_Podcast_152.mp3
Category:Personal Journal -- posted at: 12:00am PDT

The wiring burned up in our car on the way back to Bend from Walla Walla. Mom got help getting the car running, but it made starting and stopping the car difficult. Mom decided to put our stuff into storage and move us back to Walla Walla. Once we got moved back Mom dealt with Mac and legal issues. Mom was looking into the possibility of parole for Mac in northwest Washington. There were a couple of very big gaps in Mom’s writing because life was so busy. Mom found another new lawyer who might have been able to help get things moving on the parole. Mom turned 28 with little or no celebration… who had time for that? We went to church camp; it was weird. Technically, we were homeless all summer, so we (Phillip and Mat) bounced around a lot between family and sometimes “camped” until Mom was able to rent a house and we started school.

Direct download: Kendras_Journal_Podcast_151.mp3
Category:Personal Journal -- posted at: 12:00am PDT

We were headed north again to visit family and Mac. He was anxious because of the recent parole denial to Christmas Valley but Mom found another attorney willing to help. Money was tight but Mom was pulling together what we needed. Our car wasn’t doing great either but it got us where we needed to be. After heading back south we had to finish moving out of Christmas Valley and into Bend. The weekend trips became the “norm” and we were spending more time in the car than our apartment. Mom spoke with the parole officer in Bend to get a better understanding of what it would take to get accepted there. Us boys were missing A LOT of school with all the moving and traveling between Central Oregon and Walla Walla. Mom found out the program in Bend Mac would be required to attend wouldn’t accept him. This meant that, even though we’d just moved INTO Bend, we would be moving OUT of Bend since he couldn’t be paroled there. Phillip relates his worst school experience ever, well… until student loans.

Direct download: Kendras_Journal_Podcast_150.mp3
Category:Personal Journal -- posted at: 12:00am PDT

We got back to Christmas Valley from visiting Mac in Walla Walla and Mom wrote about doing it again the following weekend.  She was concerned about all of Mac’s demands that we visit and that Mom also make progress on getting him paroled. She hoped he wouldn’t hold things against her for them taking so long. In three weeks we drove 2425 miles and had even more to go. After word of Mac’s parole being officially denied and another weekend trip to Walla Walla, Mom started planning a move to Bend. This, of course required a lot more time on the road to find a rental and move, again. We found an apartment to rent in Bend so we were getting out of Christmas Valley! Mom said we were also being brats lately and couldn’t wait to get us back in school. Also because we were missing A LOT of school. She was also worried about what our income would look like once Mac was out and dreamt of a business setup that would allow them to do what they wanted rather than just work regular jobs. Now that we were in Bend, Mom started gathering the information needed for a new parole plan. She hoped that Mac would be out before his next birthday at the end of May. Mat shares one of his scariest childhood memories.

Direct download: Kendras_Journal_Podcast_149.mp3
Category:Personal Journal -- posted at: 12:00am PDT

We were headed back to Walla Walla for a visit and to try and gather up more money because it was a continual issue. We found out the denial would stand so we needed a new plan to get out of Christmas Valley so Mom started looking at moving to Bend in hopes that Mac could be paroled there. Mom was starting to understand the system a little better but worried that Mac was losing hope of getting a release date. She got a letter from the prison and worried that the people in Christmas Valley were talking about us because of how fast word gets around in such a small community. We got a huge phone bill, $633. That’s $1400 in today’s money, YIKES! Mom wrote about how she pictured life once Mac was released and was worried it wouldn’t happen until after his next (41st) birthday.

Direct download: Kendras_Journal_Podcast_148.mp3
Category:Personal Journal -- posted at: 12:00am PDT

Sorry for the long intro, almost 7 minutes! Mac’s hearing ended with a deferred decision. The parole board wanted to see if Oregon would accept his plan before they would move forward. So Mom was talking to whomever she could to make sure Oregon would approve things. We were getting closer to moving to Oregon and Mom called the boss of the Oregon parole office to try and get them to approve it before we moved. Then it was “Welcome to Christmas Valley…” and Mom got word on the parole plan.

Direct download: Kendras_Journal_Podcast_147.mp3
Category:Personal Journal -- posted at: 12:00am PDT

Mom was pushing to get Mac’s parole paperwork back to Washington from Oregon in time for his hearing. Money was tight so Mom pawned her rings again to make sure we had money for bills. Some friends from Olympia came by for a visit but Mac wasn’t happy that Mom had company when he called. Mom was writing a lot about her frustrations with the prison system and her hopes of the changes to come that could make things better. We got a new car and everyone’s stress increased as the parole hearing date approached. Oh, and the book we talked about was:

Direct download: Kendras_Journal_Podcast_146.mp3
Category:Personal Journal -- posted at: 9:39am PDT

Mom was dreaming of winning the lottery but still hustled to get some money to keep us afloat. She also notified our landlady that we’d be moving. We finally get around to telling the bat story. We got our phone bill, wait until you hear how much it was! We all made a trip back to Hermiston to visit friends and Mom went to Pullman, WA to make a delivery for Mac. Mac’s parole paperwork was going from Washington to Oregon and back so Mom was making calls to ensure everything would be where we needed it for his hearing. Mom impressed herself with her progress running at the track.

Direct download: Kendras_Journal_Podcast_145.mp3
Category:Personal Journal -- posted at: 9:58am PDT

Mom got a negative report about Mat from his school… Shocker! The stress of dealing with the parole stuff was starting to wear on Mom and Mac. But they did find out he got the job in Oregon so then they had to submit a new plan to the board and we started planning our move there. Mom also learned that her whole family had found out she was married to Mac, even though she didn’t tell them. Mom and Mac had a good visit but she found out he’d gotten four infractions during the previous week, which wasn’t good since he was trying to get paroled. They got news that the plan for Oregon was looking good. This gave them hope for a release date in April so Mom started planning the move, most importantly how to get the money to do it!

Direct download: Kendras_Journal_Podcast_144.mp3
Category:Personal Journal -- posted at: 12:00am PDT

Mom was in Olympia dealing with the parole board but wasn’t getting the results she wanted so she came home when she discovered one member had voted no. While she was gone, Mat had trouble at the babysitter’s. With the rejection on the first parole plan, Mom and Mac started working on a new plan that would move us to Oregon so Mom started to research what was needed to parole to Oregon and the parole board made a recommendation for a “structured” home and treatment program. Mom also wrote a letter to her aunt “hinting” at moving up to their area in hopes that she’d offer Mom and Mac the same job she’d offered Mom and “R”. Mom test drove a van even though she knew we couldn’t get it with our money problems and a last minute call for a bumped up trailer visit sent Mom scrambling to get everything ready for a sudden visit.

Direct download: Kendras_Journal_Podcast_143.mp3
Category:Personal Journal -- posted at: 12:00am PDT

Mom was still working hard trying to get Mac released and was daydreaming about life after his release. Mom kept hearing the chances of release are good but wondered because the Parole Office kept adding requirements, so she wasn’t sure. We all slept through New Year's Eve but made it to 1986 okay. Plus, Mat had his 10th Birthday! Mom was also struggling with how her family felt about her being with Mac. She got the heater in the car to work but still had issues with the fan. She was also planning another trip to Olympia to see if she could get things moving. Phillip found out his paycheck for his paper route was going to be delayed. We finish Chapter 18 and Mom wrote about how the Journal has saved her sanity after reading an article in the local paper. You can read it on our Facebook page. Enjoy!

Direct download: Kendras_Journal_Podcast_142.mp3
Category:Personal Journal -- posted at: 11:03am PDT